The word “narcissist” gets thrown around a lot these days – so often, in fact, that most people have probably been accused of being one at least a couple of times in their lives. But there’s a big difference between having an actual case of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and simply liking to take a lot of selfies or something.
True narcissists – meaning people who have NPD – are actually pretty rare. But absolutely any sugar baby or sugar daddy can be selfish, vain, or self-absorbed from time to time. There’s also such a thing as healthy narcissism. But how narcissistic is too narcissistic, and how can you tell whether your own narcissism crosses the wrong lines?
What Is a Narcissist?
Again, a true narcissist deserving of the term is someone with a narcissistic personality disorder. But it’s important to understand that everyone is human and everyone has times when they might behave in a narcissistic way.
Regardless of what your toxic ex or closest frenemy might say, looking out for your own needs, loving to receive compliments, or caring about your appearance doesn’t make you a narcissist. Contrary to popular belief, narcissism isn’t simply a harsher way to describe very high self-esteem.
In fact, true narcissists are the opposite – people with a self-esteem that’s super fragile. They don’t really see others as fellow human beings. Instead, they are viewed as a means to an end – objects who are only worth what they can be used for. Most narcissists become that way via childhood trauma and negative behaviors learned from parents who may also be narcissists.
And no narcissist actually worries that they are one, so even the fact that you’re asking that question likely rules you out altogether.
How Narcissistic Is Too Narcissistic?
There’s nothing whatsoever wrong with having a healthy opinion of yourself, especially if you’re a sugar baby from Sugar Daddy For Me. Sugar daters really do tend to hold themselves to higher standards than average and to be more successful than average as a result. So if that’s you, it makes sense that you’d take pride in that, and that’s exactly as it should be.
Yes, it’s possible to take even healthy narcissism too far. But that’s still not enough to make you a narcissist. In fact, if any of the following statements are true of you, you’re almost certainly not one.
1. You’ve had successful relationships
Most people can point to at least one or two relationships they’ve been in that were completely toxic, dysfunctional, and highly unsuccessful. But a sugar baby who’s narcissistic to a fault has likely never had anything else. So if you’ve ever had a good, loving, functional relationship at any point in your life, you’re good to go.
2. You can accept constructive criticism
Granted, no one really likes being criticized, especially when the criticism is unsolicited. But most people – even people with super high self-esteem who think the world of themselves – have the ability to take constructive criticism at least occasionally. So if you are capable of admitting you can be in the wrong or might have room for improvement, you’re not a narcissist.
3. You influence others in positive ways
Naturally, sugar babies tend to be persuasive, influential people as a rule. But being influential or liking to influence others doesn’t make a person a narcissist. What makes the difference is your motivation. When you actively try to influence others, is it an honest attempt to help them or make their lives better? Because narcissists don’t do that. They’re always out to use, belittle, and harm.
4. You feel bad for other people
Mentally and emotionally healthy sugar babies – even those with a tendency toward self-importance – possess the ability to empathize with other people. When bad things happen to other people – especially people they love, like their sugar daddies or good friends – they can put themselves in that person’s shoes and feel a bit of what they are feeling. Narcissists don’t feel things like that.
5. You realize there’s a difference between right and wrong
Everyone wants certain things out of life, sometimes badly enough to consider crossing that boundary between right and wrong. Some people may even do it on occasion. But that’s not enough to make someone a narcissist. Narcissists either don’t believe in right and wrong at all or are unable to see the boundary between them.
You don’t necessarily need to be a true clinical narcissist for any narcissistic traits. You do have to perhaps be an issue, though. Ultimately, every single sugar baby needs to ask herself whether traits or tendencies she has that could be seen as narcissistic are negatively impacting her quality of life.
Do you have trouble holding onto relationships or friendships? Does your pride, vanity, or sense of self-importance come between you and the things that you want out of life? Are you unhappy with these aspects of your personality? If so, it’s worth working on things. An openness to positive change is never a bad thing, so don’t be afraid to embrace it.