It’s an all-too-common situation: you’ve been sexting with someone for a while, and suddenly, they become hard to get a hold of. They may even stop responding to your texts. This kind of rejection is difficult to deal with, and it’s never fun to experience. But sex really can change everything.
This type of behavior occurs with people of any gender, but it’s particularly common with guys. It’s enough to give you a complex and make you wonder if you’re not as exciting or sexy or wild as you thought. But lack of interest isn’t always the culprit. So, let’s talk about the psychological reasons that guys pull away after sexting for a while.
The Intimacy Factor
For some people, a fear of intimacy isn’t just a cute, carefree quirk. Sometimes, a fear of intimacy can tank otherwise great, long-term relationships. As psychologists will attest, a fear of intimacy is inspired by positive feelings and interactions rather than negative ones, and it demonstrates a lack of self-esteem.
Though sometimes people associate commitment-phobes with the unattainable, playboy type of bachelor, the truth is much darker. If your sexting partner has a genuine fear of intimacy, that’s something that’s best worked out with a therapist.
Different Definitions of Casual
When you’re interacting virtually, sometimes wires get crossed. It’s practically inevitable. Communicating in person is tough enough, but without cues like facial expressions and tone of voice, it’s much more challenging to understand what someone is trying to convey over text.
In sexting situations, this can leave one of you think that an encounter was a one-time thing and the other person waiting for the next round of fun. This leads to hurt feelings, but it doesn’t mean your sexting partner didn’t have a good time. It may have been the best sexting experience ever, but he might not be in the right mental spot to have a continued relationship with his sexting partner. If you’re not sure how casual the sexting was, you can always ask for clarity.
Embarrassment Might Be in Play, Too
Sexting, at the moment, can get super hot. If you’re really into it, you might blurt out stuff that is typically reserved for your best friend or journal. And unlike in-person sex, where you can hope that the other person will forget about it, with sexting, there’s a permanent record of each moment.
Studies have shown that though sexting generates many positive feelings, it can also lead to feelings of embarrassment and shame. Maybe he took a picture that he found a bit vulnerable, or perhaps he mentioned some fantasies that he’d never said aloud before. Either way, he might have re-read the sexts you sent each other and felt too ashamed to contact you again. If you think this is the problem, you can reassure him that you found your sexting just as hot as he did, and it might be just the push he needs to start another sexting exchange.
On the less admirable side of reasons, guys pull away after sexting is that other people may be involved. Perhaps he couldn’t get up the nerve to tell you that he’s dating someone else. Or, maybe sexting with you made him realize he has strong feelings for someone else, and he shouldn’t have casual encounters right now. Unfortunately, if this is the case, you likely won’t get a straight answer even if you ask. And do you really want to be involved with someone who is deceitful? Probably not. The best idea is to move on to someone more available.
It’s Not Just Sexting
Sexting isn’t unique. Some people pull away even after in-person sex or a truly great date. But the reasons behind why they do so are often the same: fear of intimacy, shame, or lingering feelings about an ex. But it’s a little bit tougher to blow off someone you were seeing in real life rather than someone you were only virtually connected to.
However, you need to look out for yourself. So, if a guy pulls away after sexting, make some time for self-care. Focus on yourself by doing something you love that makes you feel good about yourself. After all, you’ve got better things to do than pine after someone who has pulled away.
Find Someone to Sext With
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